Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Fix this ending, please!

Sharpen your pencil and find an eraser, (metaphorically speaking, of course, since most of you use a computer). For your edification, I have written an ending in need of work. Lots of work. Imagine you are on the final page of a crime novel. The hero has caught the crook and all the loose ends are resolved. This is what you read:

Lisa dialed the phone.
"I have the Evil Villain tied up in my garage. Could you send a patrol car?" she asked.
"Certainly," the operator replied.
Lisa hung up the phone. She looked around and soon found her gun on the ground. She picked it up and put it away. In a few minutes the police arrived and put the Evil Villain in the back
of the car. The Evil Villain glowered at Lisa. Lisa was glad he was heading to prison.

Hmm, not quite right. Maybe if we could end at a more dramatic moment? Let's try this:

Lisa ripped the duct tape with her teeth and slapped it across the Evil Villain's hairy arm. He struggled wildly, sweat pouring off his forehead, but the tape was industrial grade and Lisa had used most of the roll. She picked up her gun where it had fallen during the scuffle and wiped it off.
"Crime is a dirty business," she said to the scowling Evil Villain, "Now you need to clean up your act."

Well, at least something interesting is happening. Maybe we could compress things a bit and still keep all the necessary information? Let's try again:

The Evil Villain glared at Lisa from the backseat as the patrol car sped away. Lisa smiled as she wiped her gun with her handkerchief and carefully put it back in her purse.

All the information is there, something dramatic is happening, but is that as good as it gets? No way! Now it's your turn to have a go at it. Send me your versions and I'll post them.

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